while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
