Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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