Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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