Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
