I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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