Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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