I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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