I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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