If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
