The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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