You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we're making bets on your personal life
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
