Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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