Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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