im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
