i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
