my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
