idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
