Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
