I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
