I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
