There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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