Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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