I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
