I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
