This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
