It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
