yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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