It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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