U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
