ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
