thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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