Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
