My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
