There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
