Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
