then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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