gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
