there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
