i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
