If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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