you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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