I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
