I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
