they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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