omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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