she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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