Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
