Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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