U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
