i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
