remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
