You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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