connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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