i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
