I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
